10 Things I Hate About Calvert (SLUG Article)

Everyone I talk to seems to referto Glenn Calvert as either "That‘Guth’ Kid who got good really fast"or "Baby-Ass Calvert." As a matterof fact, Calvert is one of the skaters Iknow who gets shit-talked constantly.Everyone is always talking shit aboutor to Calvert. This phenomenon isunexplainable. Besides the fact thatCalvert rips on a skateboard, he’s oneof the nicest, quietest guys I know.It sucks that this guy gets hated-onconstantly. So, in lieu of letting Calvertdefend himself against the haters ina traditional interview, I’ve included alist of things you might not know aboutCalvert. I’ll let you, the reader, choosewhether to use these to hate on Calvert(and propel him into skateboardstardom) or just be nice when you seehim on the street.

1. Calvert knows a lot about musicthat I wish I listened to at his age.Instead of being obsessed withwhatever new stuff is out, I’ve oftenheard Calvert talk about LeonardCohen and Miles Davis.

2. If you’re a skate nerd like me andwatch every new episode of the EpiclyLater’d show on the internet, you may have seen the recent episode about Ethan Fowler. They refer to Fowler asbeing the king of backside tricks. I’m making a bold claim that Calvert is theking of frontside. I’ve never seen a frontside 50-50 look so awesome.

3. Calvert is one of the only people I’ve ever seen do a frontside nosegrind ona transition in real life.

4. My friend Syd thinks Calvert looks like High School Musical starZac Efron. While the rest of us don’t see it, if comparing him to the teenageheartthrob in this magazine helps Calvert get girls, then so be it.

5. Calvert 50-50’d one of the gnarliest rails I have ever seen. He won’t goback to shoot a photo because he ripped his pants trying it. Therefore, youwon’t see it here. If anyone wants todonate a $50 Gap gift card to me tobuy Calvert some new pants, maybethe photo will appear in a future issue ofSLUG.

6. At one spot while we were shootingthis interview, Calvert slammed so hardhe broke the cement, AND he got upand tried the trick again and landed it.No joke.

7. Every time there is a contest at GuthrieSkatepark, the goal of most of thelocals is not to win but just to beat Glenn.Instead of being glad to place top five, Ihave heard Nick Suroka say, "at least Ibeat Glenn."

8. Micah Wood describes Calvert as"a wholesome young man."

9. Yom once hated Calvert in a mannervery similar to how Walter treats Donnyin the movie The Big Lebowski. Forthose of you who know who Yom is, thisbit of information is amazing.

10. Calvert recently lost a game of"horseface" so he could make out with acertain girl. Remember to ask him aboutit when you see him.

11. Calvert is hated on for no reason.Sorry, but that’s the truth. I don’tunderstand it, so maybe one of you canexplain it to me. By the end of shootingthis interview, I found myself shit-talkingCalvert and I really don’t know why. It’sone of those unexplainable things likestigmata and spontaneous combustion(I know this is fact 11, but only having 10is cliche).

Remember if you ever meet Calvert, talksome shit to him because he won’t knowwhat to do otherwise.

It all HERE